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Fizzy/Still - A much less pretentious way of denoting "sparkling' and "non-carbonated" water (or whatever).

Greasy Spoon - Another slang term for a cheap eating cafe/diner. Note that it is the British themselves who are applying this term to their dining establishments. This should be reason enough to steer clear, unless you are just a'hankerin' for one of them real "cultural" experiences. If so, please see above for the hospital's telephone number.

Iced Lolly - British for "Popsicle," a food item that, if you visit London during the thaw in the middle of August and it doesn't happen to be pouring down rain, you may actually be in the mood for.

Indian Restaurants - The "Chinese Food" of England (cheap, readily available, and you are never absolutely sure from what animal the meat came). This is where real English people actually eat when they go out to dinner. Those people you see eating pub grub at the counters in pubs are actually Canadian actors hired by the British Sadism and Tourist Board (BSTB). These actors are paid large sums of money to talk in British accents and pretend they enjoy the food so the tourists will be fooled into thinking the locals actually partake of the "local cuisine" and will decide to try some, too.

Jacket Potato - A baked potato all dressed up for a formal evening at the Royal Ball.

Jam - What we call jelly, a distinction which may not sound all too confusing until you get to what the word "jelly" means.

Jelly - Jell-O. You know, that gelatin stuff that wiggles and jiggles and that everyone insists upon suspending bits of banana or grapes in. (I prefer my Jell-O without chunks, as nature intended it.) If you order your toast or scones with "jelly" they will look at you strange and (hopefully) not honor your request.

Lemonade - Sprite or 7-Up, because, let's face it, they taste the same anyway.

Lolly - Somehow they left the "-pop" off this word, perhaps in a early boycott against Shirley Temple and her budding nautical career.

Marmite - Only people who grew up in England can yearn for (or even stomach) a peanut butter–like paste for the spreading on bread or toast where the primary ingredient is yeast. Trust me, it's like eating a sandwich made with athlete's foot.

Pudding - (also: "Sweet") A kind of generic term for a dessert, UNLESS we're talking about "Black Pudding" here, which is just about as far away from dessert as you can get, unless your name happens to be Vladimir Dracul (see: "Black Pudding" in the Dishes section below).

Aside from the specific chocolate-or-vanilla smooth, chilled desert brought to us by the good folks at jelly — I mean, Jell-O — the term "pudding" to imply a dessert in general was introduced into American English when the members of the band Pink Floyd, in between acid trips, recorded the anthem Another Brick in The Wall (a.k.a.: "We don't need no education") at the end of which some guy starts screeching "If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?!" Just another family-values social message brought to us by British rock bands expanding their minds and playing with feedback.

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