Pub
is short for "Public House," and is where you go to drink liquor and eat
the strange, and often horrible, British Food known as "Pub Grub" (See:
Just about anything up above). Pub food is for sale in pubs for a very
good reason: any sane person would only purchase and ingest it after having
consumed massive amounts of alcohol.
Off-license
-
A liquor store. [insert your own humorous comment here].
Pint
- This
is how you order you beer (or rather, "Bitter") in an English pub. "I'll
take a pint of bitter, please." They'll hand you a big mug of foamy, slightly
dark beer and you can start in on your evening. One piece of advice: no
matter how many pints you've had, do not, I repeat DO NOT fall prey to
the temptation of Pub Grub. Just pretend all they have to offer you is
beer and cider, and stick to those. Also, that gorgeous and sophisticated
woman next to you is not interested in you and has not heard a word you've
said for the past 10 minutes. (For those of you too pissed to perform
the necessary math, a pint is equal to 16 oz., or a container of Ben &
Jerry's ice cream, whichever comes first.)
"Pull
a Pint" -
In the good old days, and still in some traditional places, the barkeep
would pull a pint of bitter for you out of its barrel using a pump. The
purists insist that this is the only way to enjoy good, British ale.
Pissed
- Totally,
dizzyingly, smashingly, frighteningly, you're-gonna-feel-it-in-the-morningly,
absolutely, positively, don't-trip-or-you-might-fall-off-the-edge-of-the-Earth
drunk.
Pub
Crawl -
The aquatic maneuver performed by your fingers attempting to fish the
change suction-cupped to the bar in the giant puddle of bitter on the
counter. No, actually it is the British term for "bar hopping," i.e.:
getting slowly pissed over an extended period of time in a variety of
establishments.
Punter
- A
customer. I've never actually heard this term used, but someone told me
it's British, so I threw it in. I'm not terribly picky about my sources,
and in case you haven't noticed, this is not trying to be an authoritative,
or for that matter terribly accurate, dictionary.
Shout
-
A round, as in "I'll get this round," or, in British, "My shout." When
one guys gets drunk enough and wants to impress the woman who he has totally
failed to notice is only still sitting next to him at the bar because
he has the hem of her dress caught between his bum and the barstool, he
buys a round of drinks for the whole bar. This "shout" is usually appreciated
by everyone else at the bar (especially the woman who, now that the guy
has to stand up to get out his wallet, is free to make her escape out
the little window in the Women's bathroom), but it causes a domino effect
whereby everybody else is expected to reciprocate the generous gesture
until the entire clientele is passed out beneath the bar or the bartender
yells....
"Time,
people!" -
Grab that one last pint and try that one last time to get the cute guy
at the end of the bar to notice youthe bartender's about to kick
you all out.
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