Italian
Train Classifications
9 July 1998
ESPRESSO (EXPRESS):
It is expressly forbidden that this train skip any stops.
DIRETTO
(DIRECT): This train goes directly to each station on the line, and
which point it ceases moving and turns its engines off, waiting for further
instructions from the mother ship.
REGIONALE
(REGIONAL): This train's job is to explore each region to the utmost,
pausing lengthily at every station, pit stop, shed, outhouse, lamp post,
or any other manmade structure in the vicinity of the railroad tracks
on the off chance that any one of them just might be a regularly scheduled
stop.
ACCELERATO
(ACCELERATED): This appellation guarantees that, at least at some
point during the journey, this train will achieve some degree of acceleration
assuming, of course, said acceleration won't interfere with the
train's primary duties of (1) incremental coasting, (2) decelerating,
(3) making frequent full stops, and (4) idling on the tracks in the middle
of nowhere at least one time between each pair of stations while the engineer
and conductors pop into a nearby bar for an espresso.
Copyright
© 1998 by Reid Bramblett. All rights reserved.
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