And You Thought You Knew English!

BrtiSpeak - An almost totally useless dictionary of British English words and phrases and their American English counterparts and meanings for your reading and chuckling pleasure.

The great thing about going to England is that while you get to see part of the world and travel to a bona fide European country, you don't have to lug along the Berlitz or take any language courses because for once everyone in the country you are visiting speaks English! Right?

Right?

The sad truth of it is, my friends, that the British never learned to speak English properly. Not only do they pronounce things funny and stick a "u" in words like color and humor, but they have just made up all sorts of weird words for parts of the car and food and even things as simple and straightforward as a toilet.

To help you get over some of the culture shock, and to provide a handy-dandy reference source that will probably be of only minimal help for you while abroad, I have collected and compiled here as many of the British words for things that already had a perfectly good American English name that I could think of in one sitting.

I have also thoughtfully provided you, whether you like it or not, with my own opinions and observances of these words in action and their effect on British life. This way, you won't find yourself buying a garter belt and women's underwear by accident (unless you're a woman, in which case it is perfectly fine to buy those things, so let Bob fret over the shopping chapter while you worry about all the driving terminology).

Now what appears on the following Web pages may seem like nothing more than a concerted attempt on my part to try to make sure that the United Kingdom will never, ever issue me a visa to visit England again. But believe me, I am putting my travel life on the line so that you, the reader, may have a safer, less confusing trip.

I am also praying to all the gods I can think of that the British gene pool's collective sense of humor (er, humour) did not get used up entirely on producing Benny Hill and the Monty Python team and that they will think this whole dictionary a lark, laugh it off, and not send James Bond out to kill me.

So just relax, rest your hand easily on your mouse, pull up a virtual chair, sit back, and let me guide you through some of the many twists and turns and roundabouts of one of the most confusing languages next to American English: BritSpeak.

table of contents >>